I have been thinking about what i have been doing with my life ,a great deal ; and it turns out i have'nt been doing much. I have cut out all people who would offer me any strand of negativity, atleast temporarily ; i bet most of them won't bother to want to contact again. Selfish on my part, maybe, but much needed.
I am very aware of my abilities, the short term success or failure doesn't even bother me any longer. I don't mean to talk for anybody else , but i believe i happen to have a lot more opportunities and resources than a lot of people do , and it is only stupid of me to whine away instead of utilizing them.
Now here's the thing , I know where i can go to (short term) ; a place that i easily can acheive .... I know how to do it , I just can't get myself to do it . And that is plain stupid .
No, it doesn't define what i will be in my life ; No, it isn't a dream place to go to ; No, it won't make much of difference in 10 years from now ; but i would like to do it just because i can .
I have no idea about what i want to do .... but at present this looks like a good way to find out .. and escape all that i detest .
I have never doubted my abilities, I know , I can get there and then move forward. So its time i leave this victimhood and do what i can .. until i know what i want . i won't say anything hyperenergetic ... i have energy , it's the calm that i lack ; it's the calm that stays .
I will not motivate myself this time , I will not pump myself up , nor tell myself that i can do something .... I'll do better ... There's something on my mind ... and... I'll do it .... just because i can .